It all takes time....

Well the week seems to just be dragging by here in Amarillo. I knew when I flew down late Tuesday night this would be a week I was not ready. However, I think it is one I will never forget or recover from....I guess it all takes time.

Thursday morning I took grandpa back to his doctor to discuss the right decision for his "SAFE, STRESS FREE" future. Thankfully my father joined us at the doctor and Abby and Brian provided me with wonderful questions to ask (since they were not there). While I check grandpa in I did ask if I could speak with the doctor just for a moment before or after. However, I guess they felt as though I was too young or not the appropriate family member to speak with and would not allow this. Therefore I had to do all the hard questions with grandpa in the room. You see sometimes when we speak about death or time of life around grandpa he tends to not feel motivated to live, and spirals down some. Therefore the reason I wanted to do this without him....Not the way it went at all today.

The doctor arrived and did the normal chit chat with grandpa. Asked about how he was feeling, what all was bothering him, you know the normal thing. Then we began down the road of his aches and pain...This is when the doctor brought up the fact that he should get hospices to help with is pain management. From there the conversation turned to where he should be living, at home with 24 hour health care plus hospices or the nursing home (where grandma is) with hospices. The doctor flat out said to grandpa, NOW you have to pick! He very angrily said it just sounds like DEATH to me....and I will not. Therefore she went on to say to us all, "I think you need to move out with Lottie that is what is best for your safety." I then asked to repeat this to grandpa (he is very hard of hearing), just to make sure he understood it all. He looked at her and said that just is not good.

After we finished up in there, it was very clear to us all that he should be with grandma at the nursing home. This of course is not what grandpa would like at all, but then he also does not want the 24 hour care at home. I took him out to the nursing home and asked the wonderful people to show him around again. They showed him the room he could have and all the activity rooms. I then took him home to rest and think everything over. This is when I had to really work on what the right choice was!

I know that grandpa will be angry with either choice I make for him. This is honestly the hardest thing I believe I have had to do yet. I took into consideration all sides, the fact that he can be at home and still have his freedom.....and the fact that at the nursing home the socialization and full care will be there. Then also I took in everything the doctor had stated and her recommendation. This is when I realized I should do as the doctor recommended, she is the one who knows hes health best. Yes I know his personality, crabbiness, and disliking; but at this point his health is what we are concerned about. I then went to the nursing home and did all the work that I could, with some help from mom.

You may be wondering right now why my mom was not more involved in this since it is her father. Well a year ago when her and Abby had to do this with grandma it really took a toll on them both. Also I know grandpa and this is something he will be very angry about, therefore I did not want MOM to be the person he was angry with. I mean she lives here and will be the one to visit, take him to out and about; and I could stand the fact that he would always hold this against her. Me, I can take that he is angry with me...I think he truly knows I am doing this for his well being and because I love him.

Thursday night was a long one....as I packed up all his things and labeled his name. It was like moving to college again, yet I was moving him from his home to a new place. It was very hard to this and yet I managed to. I found a few wonderful pictures to send up, as well as his CD player. Come Friday he was not happy with me...he even called me many choice word names! But I managed to get him to his new place at around 1:45. I then quickly called my dad to bring his couch (this is the place my grandpa has slept my entire 28 years I have known him) so he would know this was his new place. Grandpa and I made a deal that he would go and try this for 2 months...if then it was the worse place he had very been (which is what he believes it to be) we would reevaluate the situation.

From here I let the nurses do what they needed to get his meds and other stuff all set up. I spent the day trying to make him feel at home and okay with this new way of life. I explained to him everything he could do as far as movie night, bingo, snacks, drinks, you name it I covered it. Mom then joined up with us after school and tried as well to ease him into this new place. When we left that evening I had a great happiness knowing that tonight he would be safe from falling, or losing his oxygen (which he tends to pull off at least 4 times a night)....but a bit of sadness too that I have left him. As I left I told him, it takes time to get use to your new change, please give it time. I love you.